Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Disappointment Lounge...Stories from a mom navigating herself through the teenage years and loving her son in spite of the dumb things he does...

I have discovered a new place for moms....moms of teenagers that is. It is called “The Disappointment Lounge”. Now, you really want to regulate how much you come here and how long you stay but TRUST ME you will be coming here if you have a teenager!!! Sad but true, out little beautiful sweet beings turn into teenagers which are a breed of humans that smell, are unmotivated, and have this sense of entitlement that can really drive you out of your skin!!! I know you must be wondering what brought me to my new found room....well it starts with a fifteen year old boy who we are attempting to let go of so he can find his own way in the world...this is not as easy as it sounds. Maybe some of you have gone through this ...and maybe some of you have yet to enter this place. For those who have been here, any wisdom is greatly appreciated, for those who are not here yet....remember my story, be not afraid and value where you are at. So, this past Saturday was Halloween here in Canada and the rock Star wanted to go out and hang with some newer found friends from his new school.... We have met these boys and we have no complaints in particular about them. So the deal was for him to give out candy at our house and then he could go out with his friend for a few hours after. Steve drove him to the party and he was to call us at a certain time to get picked up. All of that went well....BUT....the thing that brought me into this new room was the fact that he came home smelling strongly and I mean STRONGLY of cheap cologne. Do you remember that trick...you are smoking so you slather yourself in strong fragrance of some sort to cover it up. Now keep in mind The Rock Star is 15 almost 16 (in January) so the curiosity of such things is right on the mark for where he is at. It is not that which has brought me into the lounge...it is the need to lie about it. He had the most grande story about the over scent of cologne and why it was....there even had been an out door fire at the party he was at but there was not sent of fire on him as the cologne was so strong!!! If the story had not been, so tragically, my own sons story of deceit,t it would have been hilarious...unfortunately for me it was indeed my son telling the tale to save his @$$. Thus I could not, at the time, laugh in the moment...I instead entered the place I now called “The Disappointment Lounge”. I looked at him shaking my head, and with out raising my voice I ask him why he was doing this to himself...lying that was...do you REALLY think we are buying this story??? The story went like this...someone left some cologne by the fire so him and his friend wanted to use some and when he picked it up he realized that is was leaking and it leaked all over his hands...but he had no idea whose cologne it was or why it was there on the bench....by the fire....with no one around......mmmmmmmmmmm using the famous word my friend Bridget uses....muh!!! I told him to just go to bed....yup just go to bed....really, no , just go to bed....... Poor Rock Star...the worst liar in the world. You almost feel sorry for him....almost. So a couple days have pasted and I am no longer in The Disappointment Lounge, though I have a feeling that I will be occupying it again sometime...hopefully later then sooner. I realize that this is going to be my challenging season of parenting. You know how some have a hard time with babies...some with toddlers...some with adolescents? Well mine is the teen years...this is a big time to learn, grow and try to keep my mouth shut as much as possible. So how did this one get resolved? Well I went for a run....and thought and thought and thought....forgetting to access my Spirit...I call her Arlene, but that is another story for another day....anyways after making myself crazy for the first half of my run I looked up and saw the suns beams streaming through the clouds and Arlene reminded me that he was God’s first and The Rock Star’s life was in God’s hands....that was good information. So I handed him over....once again I thank you, once agin I pour out my life.... So what does a mother do? Well she takes her son out for a hot chocolate and donut a couple nights after”the incident”. We don’t talk about said incident...it has been talked enough, now it is his choice to sink or swim. Instead we just hang...I find talking with a teenage boy can be a hit or miss, that night it was a miss....BUT he seemed to like it and we had some alone time together. Then we went and rented some movies for the week...picked them out together and actually agreed on all of them...yup, a miracle.
Oh son of mine

how I do love you

how hard it is to watch you fall

and not pick you back up again

you are too big for my arms to carry

too tall for me to look you in the eye

too loud for me to take you many places

but you remain

as always and forever

my sunshine

my heart

my life

By Catherine Basso

www.ourperspective.net

8 comments:

Lia said...

Great story! Although I don't have kids yet, I have often wondered how I will be as a parent and I feel you prepared me a little in a way! lol. I think the way you handled the situation was right on. He's young and he will undoubtedly get into even scarier stuff as he grows into adulthood. Just keep in mind your run, the sun beaming down, and Arlene's words of wisdom. All you can really ever do is trust him and think positive. Believe that he won't get caught up in bad things, and he won't :)

Cat said...

Thanks Lia...I am learning that it really is a day to day walk with him and yes, I need to trust him and trust that I have given him the necessary tools and if not that he will have people come into his life that will offer them to him....it is a bit of a crap shoot sometimes!!! LOL

Miss•Elena•Eous said...

I am sorry to hear that your son has disappointed you, but be careful. Teenage years are for practice- experimenting and finding oneself- with the comfort of parents still around. Also, please don't condemn all teens to being smelly and unmotivated, it is an unfair stereotype.

Cat said...

Miss Elena...you would have to have teenage boys to understand what it is I am saying about them being smelly and unmotivated...it is not a condemnation at all....I am sorry that you took it that way.....sometimes one must see the humor in ones situation as to react appropriately...as I wrote, I will and do indeed love my son no matter where he may be in life....
Thanks for the comment.

Summer said...

Great post. I have boys of my own- ranging from 1 to 9. I also come from a family of majority males. So I know exactly what you are saying about "smelly and unmotivated." It may sound harsh, but it's very characteristic of tween and teen boys.

Cat said...

Thanks for the comment Summer...indeed indeed it IS part of their process...I have to keep reminding myself of that so I don't totally loose faith in who he is, it is just a season and for the most part he is walking through this quite oblivious of how it affects those around him, lol...you just have to laugh!!
Again thanks for your input!

Traci said...

Great post. I'm new to your site and I am in love! My son is six and I dread the future. Believe it or not, your post gave me hope. Your post-incident hot chocolate touched me. I hope that I respond so well.

Thanks for sharing your experience. We moms need to learn from each other.

I'll be back.
:-)

Cat said...

Thanks you so much Traci. I could not agree more...we moms do need to learn from each other....For me, it is the real life stories that touch and teach me the most.
Glad you enjoyed my post.
Cheers