Friday, May 28, 2010

Reaching out to you ladies... I need some advice.

This is another blog about Facebook. Ugh.

For something that was designed to make life easier and more connected, and help you share your life with the people you love... it sure is a huge pain. It seems like every time I get comfortable with the way things are going, something else "comes up" that I have to deal with.

I think maybe part of this has to do with my apprehension about all the sharing of the coming baby photos. It's one thing for me or hubby to post pictures of our baby, but when they start being posted by family members and friends, how do we know how far they reach? Not everyone is as selective with their Facebook friend choices as I am... and I certainly know that not everyone is as stringent with their privacy settings.

But here's the real problem: I found out today that my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are Facebook "friends" with one of my husbands ex-girlfriends. Now, let me preface this by saying I am in no way insecure about my marriage or my relationship with my husband. In fact, it's probably because he's been so candid with me about his past that I'm feeling weird.

Apparently this chick went all "fatal attraction" on him when he broke up with her because she cared way more about him than he ever did about her. I guess there was a period of weird behavior on her part and he subsequently cut her out of his life completely. I'm sure his mom knows nothing of this scenario, and it's been several years ago, but it TOTALLY weirds me out.

For someone like her- with the specific ties to my husband, not to mention the wacko outcome of their situation- to have access to my family photos and information via my mother-in-law and sister-in-law's Facebook page freaks me out.

I don't know if I should address this with my MIL, or if I should just let it go. I mean, on one hand, what is it my business who she is friends with on Facebook? But on the other hand, if we're talking about pictures and details of my life, my husband and I, as well as our child, shouldn't I have some say?

This digital media and the expansive networking sites exhaust me. There's a whole new level of awkwardness and etiquette to deal with and I just don't even know where to start...

Any and all suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm finding myself at a loss.



Rachael said...

Thanks in advance ladies... I really appreciate your input on this. :)

me :) said...

This ex needs to get over this past relationship, if she hasn't, and accept that your husband is married and has a child now.
If you definitely don't want this lady from seeing the pictures, speak to your mother-in-law and sister-in-law and tell them that if they wish to upload any photos of the baby, to change the settings so the ex cannot see the pictures.
You can block certain people from viewing any of your photo albums on facebook. (Go to: privacy settings > photo albums. Then click on the button by the album > customise. Then type in the friend's name under 'hide this from')
Hope this helps! :) xx

Marnie said...

This is true, you can most definitely block specific people from seeing one or all of your albums. I've done it, and continue to do it.

I'm a mom and I will tell you something...this is your family and you are the baby's Mother...what you say goes. Remember that.

Now with that being all said and done, this message about the pictures and fb albums would be better recieved if your husband spoke to them and told them his/your wishes. She will respond better if it comes from him.

In the meantime, enjoy your pregnancy. This is a fun time.

Sammy K said...

If your MIL doesn't know anything about the situation with the ex, I would talk to your husband about bringing it up instead of you talking to her. As far as pictures go, your MIL has the right to post the pictures, but if you block your access to the pictures and albums on your profile to only friends, then you have nothing to be concerned about. I don't think that this woman would really go so far as to try any funny business after the situation. I hope that everything turns out well.

Cindy said...

I hear your concern, Rachael--I'm due in three months and I'm already worried about where photos of my baby will end up!

The sad fact is that sometimes people we don't want seeing them (like crazies from our husband's past) can, and that photos online are incredibly easy to save and subsequently post wherever other (perhaps not quite so morally grounded) people want. A friend of mine recently found a photo of her baby attached to a scam on Craig's List, eek!

I would talk to your husband about the realities of where you want your baby's photos to be displayed on the Internet, and who you do and don't want seeing them. Then, let your family know about your decision. Ask them not to put up photos on facebook if you want, or to make sure their security settings are private for those photos. My husband and I have a family blog on where we put up photos that we don't want the world to see in password-protected entries, that way they're accessible, but only to the people we want them to be. Maybe that would be a good compromise for you!

Best of luck! Blessings!

Rebel Road Sister said...

It's easy for us to only be 'friends' on facebook with the people we know, but you're right, how do we know how other people select their 'friends'. Facebook should not allow people to repost or resend photos you put up.

If I were you, I would simply tell your family not to repost any pictures.