Sunday, January 17, 2010

Feeling Small in a BIG world...or...."An order of heartache with a lot of Light on the side please."

It has been quite a the world, with my friends, and in my home. I am not even sure where to start. Not a lot of pics tonight, lots on my heart, hoping for a clear mind to share. So get into your after-school clothes, grab a bevy, get comfy and sit with me a while as I sort out the events of the week with you and share how the Light shines bright in the darkness.

It is so easy to feel small when big things are going on around you. Big things such a natural disasters that wipe out thousands...leaving even more destitute. Or when someone you love is going through unspeakable tragedy you can barely get your head around it. These are times when I feel very small...but not insignificant.

The images of what is happening in Haiti hit my heart deeply...not just because of this immediate situation but also because of the the generations of poverty that these people have already lived in, the oppression of a corrupt government, and the isolation from the modern world. Until you have walked in that kind of poverty you can not know the lives they live. I was watching a news report and the well know reporter was shocked and amazed at the attitude of the Haitian people. It the depts of their despair they find the strength to not give up, to sing Haitian songs of joy and praises to God. She said there was a sense of hope and going forward in the air, and yet they sleep at night, in the streets that they are sharing with the dead. This indeed is the face of poverty. In poverty you do not have an attitude of entitlement, you have the attitude to live moment by moment, day by you rejoice in the day that you is what places like Haiti teach us who live in the modern world. I wish it did not take such great tragedy for us to unite as people, I wish that we could always be this mindful of those in need, I wish....

Out of the ashes will come a re-birth...not the kind that we hope for, because this trouble in Haiti is really beyond human re-pair...but there can be a spiritual and emotional re-birth in man that will send a message of love out into a broken world. The Haitian children sing....let us join them in songs of celebration as we work hand and hand to heal that which is broken.

Thus week in my group of mom friends there was great tragedy. One of my friend’s brothers was found monday night at work with multiple stab wounds on his upper body. He is currently in ICU, on life support, fighting for his life...if you believe in the power of prayer, positive thinking, or healing please keep him in your heart. It is an unbelievable tragedy that my girlfriend’s family is just starting to wrap their heads around. It is unclear at this point what happened. The family goes down to the hospital every day, not wanting him to wake up and not have one of them there. My girlfriend and her husband are the only ones, in her family who walk in faith...and that faith is now carrying them through allowing them to shine their light in a dark time. Their community of friends and fellow faith walkers surround them with love, prayers, food and help with their children. This out pouring of love spills onto her parents and they are overwhelmed with the love and support from these “God Lovers”. I saw my friend’s mom this week...I call her Nanny. I said “Nanny can I come and give you a hug?” (Nanny is not big on hugs at the best of she replied from the other end of the hallway, “No thanks Catherine, not today, I am a reck.”...”Fair enough Nanny,I respect your hug boundaries, that is why I asked. I am hugging you from over here.”...” And I can feel it too.” ...ahhh, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I am grateful for the stillness that I am fearlessly walking in. It allowed me to welcome my girlfriends, the morning we found out, to come and pray together for our friend and her family. I was still in my pjs...I did not even have a bra on morning wash up....not ready for company, but I was not fazed. You know there is always that desire to quickly flit around getting things in order...but I did not...I felt totally at peace inside myself that this was perfect as it was and nothing mattered more than being together at this bring our lights, our colours together to shine through this dark occurrence.

And it was then, while we were praying that it was revealed to me that my home was to be used as a home of refuge, a home of prayer, a safe house for those in need. A place for one to come to find peace and love...what a gift!

The stillness has also given me more time. Time is not rushing by me...things move slower. I am doing the same things and yet I have more time on my does that work? On Wednesday I was out for most of the day doing typical Wednesday errands. This Wednesday, after working in The Scientist’s class room I was to go to Burnaby to do a supply run for the studio. I also needed to stop at Ikea. These places are a considerable drive from our home and it is usually a day outing. But without a thought of time I went to my girlfriends first, to see how she was doing before she headed off to the hospital. Another friend was there and The Horticulturalist had dropped by as well...what a good man. We talked together until she had to go...and then I was off. I did what I had to do and even made two extra stops and still had plenty of time left over. I was not stressed or time watching , I felt at ease and like I said did even more than I set out to do. How does that happen??

I even had that day of photography at the afternoon to shoot...where did that come from?

I am in awe of the mysteries of this life.

Though there is great sadness, so there is great joy and love....that is the gift....the gift from The Divine...a gift from God.

And then there was the cleanse...briefly on that as it is really miniscule among all these other events. But I did it...I did it for 5 days and now I will ease my way back into the real world. It indeed was a great experience. Again I felt a great peace doing it and I felt the time was right, thus I could get through. I had no headaches or bad hunger...though I have to say I used the laxative tea once...and once was it. Not needing a lot of help in that area and, yeah, lets just say that was not such a good night!!!! I was feeling pretty “crappy” one might say.

The house cleanse got put on hold, but will commence next week. I have boxes that want to be filled.

When I was pondering tonight about this post and what this week had been filled with I did have a sense of being very small, and unsure about all that I was feeling. There is sadness in my heart tonight and yet there is great joy for some of the amazing things that came out of that sadness. I was unsure of how to get that across...

Well my inspiration came from The Scientist tonight as he was eating some toast before bed time and sharing with me the new song he was learning at school. It was so special, singing praises with him up at the kitchen table (we are the only one homes tonight), I felt so full and the moment was so great, I was reminded that I was not that small and that everything is relevant and that there is ALWAYS hope. Like the Haitian children sang so my child sung and reminded me of the Great Love and Light that governs this world.....and loves us more than we could possibly know.