Some Lessons from Benjamin Franklin

So I've been reading the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin and I am so impressed by this man. Firstly he was raised by a wise father who "liked to have, as often as he could, some sensible friend or neighbor to converse with, and always took care to start some ingenious or useful topic for discourse, which might tend to improve the minds of his children. By this means he turned our attention to what was good, just, and prudent in the conduct of life." I can only imagine what a huge impact this had on Franklin for he seemed on improving himself for the rest of his life. There was no petty gossip in his teenage life. He made friends with those who among himself, loved reading. They would go into the woods and read aloud to each other and discuss ideas, themes, poetry... I can't even imagine a group of boys in high school reading to each other like that. Too bad though, Franklin makes a good point later saying, "Influence upon the private character, late in life, is not only an influence late in life, but a weak influence. It is in youth that we plant our chief habits and prejudices; it is in youth that we take our party as to profession, pursuits and matrimony."

Another quote from him that I thought was very interesting about the religions of that time, "These I esteem'd the essentials of every religion; and, being to be found in all the religions we had in our country, I respected them all, tho' with different degrees of respect, as I found them more or less mix'd with other articles, which, without any tendency to inspire, promote or confirm morality, serv'd principally to divide us and make us unfriendly to one another."

A few years later Franklin tells about 13 virtues which at that time were necessary and desirable to him. He gives his own definition of what they mean and puts them in a specific order at which to work at attaining them.
1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
"Temperance first, as it tends to procure that coolness and clearness of head, which is so necessary where constant vigilance was to be kept up... This being acquir'd and establish'd, Silence would be more easy. This and the next Order, I expected would allow me more time for attending to my project and my studies. Resolution once become habitual, would keep me firm in my endeavors to obtain all the subsequent virtues; Frugality and Industry freeing me from my remaining debt and producing affluence and independence, would make more easy the practice of Sincerity and Justice, ect., ect."
Franklin goes on to say, "I was supris'd to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined; but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish."

Now can you imagine any leader of any nations right now having this on their mind? I would be shocked and surprised if any of them were striving like this to better themselves.

Anyways, one last quote.
"In truth, I found myself incorrigible with respect to Order; and now I am grown old, and my memory bad, I feel very sensibly the want of it. But, on the whole, tho' I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it."

What's Up?

I live in an amazingly beautiful world. 

Sometimes it's so easy to have tunnel vision and see only the the part I'm hurriedly focused on. The rest is smudged into a foggy haze, overlooked but always there. Waiting humbly to be noticed. Appreciated. Enjoyed.

When I look up from where I'm placed in this world I'm surrounded by beauty. I often miss this in my day as my eyes bore the road only straight ahead of me.

As I begin to focus more clearly on what is beyond. Small glimpse of wonder appear. Is that really always there. I know in my heart it is. But I forget to look.

It needn't be extravagant to marvel at the beauty that surrounds. When I look for it I will find it everywhere. The truest colours of life are exposed. 

A palette that no earthly artist could ever compare.

There she comes. I only need to walk that bit closer. In the right direction till I find what I'm looking for.

The Magnificence is always far higher and real than any wall man can build.

Surrounded.

dying for...

This week I fell in love with a story. The book is called Dying for Cake by Louise Limerick and I am currently riding out the grief of having finished it and desperately wanting more.

It's a story close to my heart. A story about 5 mums in a coffee group who are vastly different in their personalties and mothering styles but regardless, close friends drawn together because of their common ground of maternal lovin.

I loved the style in which the author wrote. So so real, laugh out loud funny and not too many big crazy words for us more "simple folk" (me!)

My newest friends names are :

Joanna. Who was the one the book is named from. she was dying for a piece of cake. Overweight and dowdy, but so in tune with her 2 boys needs. she was the most traditionally motherly figure and really the true hero of the story and of the group of friends although she never knew it.


Susan. Educated sharp business women. always aware of the time, itching to get back into a more fulfilling role where she felt in control at all times


Clare.  My favourite character and probably the one I most relate too. was extremely artistic and passionate in her youth but gave it all away after her child was born. she begins to realise it's part of who she is and she needs it back. I love Clare because she is always late (much to Susan's disgust) and as I read of her day and how things made her inevitably late I found myself right there with her in full agreement and empathy.


Wendy. Seems very 'normal' but actually a bit of a dark horse. This is one area of the story where I felt uncomfortable and slightly ripped off as things are left far more unresolved than as if it were real life.

Evelyn. Her baby is missing. she is silent and in a psychiatric ward. Although I have no personal experience with psychosis I am amazed at the authors interpretation. I love how Evelyn's thoughts are expressed. and in the end I was left with a feeling of such pity for her and you'll have to read to understand why but a feeling of awe after she did the the most self sacrificial thing a mother could do, even though her own family and friends could not understand her at all.

I wish it were a series. Or a weekly catch up over coffee and of course cake.

I have a Dream...

'Inspire & Dream'

mixed media 

by sweetmango

I have a Dream...
by sweetmango.

As I write this, I am sitting at my large desk in the corner of the room that is used to create my art, paintings in both acrylic and oil, mixed media, photography, in fact anything that I can lay my hands on.  Except, aside from the small space that I have cleared for my laptop and an even smaller space for my coffee, there is no space on this desk.  This desk over the past few weeks has become the dumping ground for 'things' as I have made my way through the house organising, sorting, and generally re-designing my life through my surroundings.

I sit here, full of hope, new paths laid out before me, I am surrounded by choices and I continue to make what appears to be the right choice each and every time I see a crossroads before me.  This desk is right at this moment complete and utter chaos, yet every other room in the house is clean, re-designed, organised and it feels like the future I see before me, so I have in essence begun to create in the present moment the dream of my future.  This desk though, represents the part of me that can overwhelm some people, it overwhelms me too, but not for long and not very often, but sometimes, everything piles upon my shoulders and weighs me down in the most crippling of ways. Fear.

As of February this year I became a single mum of 3 kids.  I have a son, who on Halloween, will turn 8, he is one special kid, raising him is like raising the likes of the Dalai Lama, no really, that is what it feels like sometimes.  He is so wise and compassionate that sometimes I have no words.  Like the time when he was around 3 and I was getting into the car with him, I put my bag in and turned to him and told him to jump in the car... he stood there transfixed, deep within himself a million miles away from me.  The late summer sun shone brightly upon us and I once again a little louder asked him to jump in the car, slowly he turned his head as though he was moving through molasses.  His eyes came to rest upon me and he asked me, " Mama, do you think that God gave us a shadow so that we could see the reflection of our soul and know that we are never really alone?" So, yeah, like I said, sometimes raising my eldest son is a gift beyond words.  The next two, a red haired girl with hazel/brown/green eyes and olive skin and blond haired boy with the bluest pair of eyes you ever saw are unlikely yet perfectly suited twins.  Yes twins! So many people have said to me, "I just dont know how you do it, raise twins?" to which I always reply, with a laugh, "Well it is not like I can say that it is too tough a job for me and hand one of them back is it??!!  You do what you have to do, and when you finish doing that you begin the next job, that is how you raise twins".  I must be doing ok because they will turn 5 a week before Christmas.

Now, I digress, what I was trying to point out is this....I AM TIRED. really really tired.  I am worn out after 7 and a bit months of doing this solo, which I must point out was my choice, I was the one that ended the relationship.  I honestly feel like Cinderella, I dont stop, last night I was ironing at midnight and I had been doing it for over 2 hours!!  When did my life become this? This is not part of my grand plan, my new direction. Sigh.  But, you know what? Right now, right at this very moment it is what it is, it is part of my journey.  Yes I am overwhelmed, yes I am swamped but right now I am doing the best that I can.   Let me say it again for all of you who are feeling the same way WE ARE DOING THE BEST WE CAN.

So there

My house reflects my current situation, 90% is going with the flow, handling it and looking good on the inside and the outside, but 10% is a mess, 10% is so overwhelmed with everything that some mornings, some nights it is too much to contemplate.  But I have figured something out...I just need to tackle it all one thing at a time. Now I know this sounds obvious but sometimes we need to be reminded of these simple reciepes for creating a better life.

One thing at a time.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the whole picture that we are left reeling with no idea how to reach our goals, so the answer is to break it down sisters, break it down. Choose one big-ish job each day and take it on, do not look up and do not focus on anything else just this one task assigned for the day.

Today my task is this desk, and I am rewarding myself when I accomplish this task because this last area has been haunting me, teasing me, because you see, the thing is that so much of my future relies upon this desk, in fact everything i want relies upoon this desk. Next week I begin full time studies in Interior Design and Decor specialising in Advanced Design.  It is my dream, it is my future and it assures the future of my children.  My dreams revolve around this desk.  I think that is why this last area has become such an issue, deep down I am scared.

What am I scared of? Failing? The responsibility of this whole endevour? Not being able to find the time to fullfill my roles as student, mother, lover and the role of being me, Mango?

Yes I am scared of all of those things, but what scares me the most is being successful... true. I am scared of succeeding of doing it all and more and being even bigger and better than I am now. Why, you ask? Because I have become accustomed to living on next to nothing, of stuggle, of finding happiness when there is no money, finding happiness when there is no food, finding happiness when there would appear to be nothing .... I am scared of having it all.

See, even I laugh when I write that, I really do. What a crazy thing to be scared of, but crazy or not, it is a truth.  So now it is out there, it is not so bad as it feels inside of me all alone, now I have shared it with all of you it is far less a potent force upon my sub-concious and I am now able to face it and challenge its ridiculous notions.  Because that fear is like my messy crazy desk, it is only 10% of my thoughts, 10% of who I am, and it is a minority, so I am having a coup, i am overthrowing the dictator of my mind that says I am not worthy of success.  I elect to have my thinking done by the 90% of my brain that knows I am more than capable of the job description that is my current life and future dreams.

As for the desk, well after I finish writing this and drink the last of my coffee, I will do the dishes, put on a load of washing then complete the re-designing of my desk, everything will have its place and it will remain there, because over the last few years I became confused as to who I was, but now, now I know who I am, I have a strong idea of who I want to be and who I am becoming and now that the 10% minority dictator has been disposed it is time for celebration.  A celebration of the soul, of life and of being 100% authentically me.

oh and in case you are wondering, my reward that I am giving myself the minute this desk is completed?

A dress and a skirt, yes *insert smile* a dress and a skirt that I love, two pieces of clothing that are me.  That is my reward because we all need to reward ourselves for the big milestones dont we? and what better way to reward ourselves than with things that makes us feel on the outside the way we feel on the inside...I feel free, I feel flowing and I feel feminine!

 

How is your desk looking?

sincerely

Mango

Always view the world with Love and Compassion.

my blog

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

My daughter started school this week. She's now in Senior Kindergarten. On the first day, she came home with some documents. I just figured it was the routine info. from the teacher etc. In the stack, the teacher included the poem "All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten", by Robert Fulghum.

I'm not too sure how old this poem is, but I remember reading it years ago and it put a smile on my face. I will be putting this poem on my fridge. It's a good reminder and proves that things needn't be so complicated.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need

To know about how to live

And what to do and how to be

I learned in kindergarten.

Wisdom was not at the top

Of the graduate school mountain,

But there in the sand pile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life -Learn some and think some

And draw and paint and sing and dance

And play and work everyday some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world,

Watch out for traffic,

Hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder

All the best,

Marnie

http://www.whatsupwithred.blogspot.com/

If your ever doubting yourself.

Why do we continue to beat ourselves up with a whip when we could be using a feather?

I posted this on my Safe Space Blog in July and because I believe we could all use a feather at certain times, I wanted to share it with you all here in this space!






I heard this saying the other day.....and it got me thinking....

We often treat ourselves so harshly, we are sometimes our own worse critics and we judge ourselves too fiercely. Why do we do this? Well, in my opinion, it is because we feel we need to always be doing stuff. We start doing something we enjoy only to think we should be doing something else. So we go do the other thing and then start to question if this is the best use of our time. We chop and change and muddle ourselves into a place where we are frustrated and upset.

We can choose what we give attention to. At work, at home, at play, in our interactions with people. We can focus on the why of everything or we can choose to stop and become conscious of where our thoughts are taking us. If we can begin to see a pattern of self-abuse (and that is really what is going on here) we can say to ourselves....Am I beating myself up with a whip or can I bring out the feather?
Become more gentle with ourselves. We are not superhuman, we cannot do everything all of the time, we can cultivate ways to have time to just be and not feel like we have to be always on the go. Constantly jumping from one thing to the next.

• When you are feeling tired and under pressure- Breathe, drop your shoulders, stretch, let out a sigh and a big yawn....
• When it is a certain time of the month and you can't concentrate on much at all- bring out the feather......lie down, shut your eyes for as long as you can....if you are at work (and if you can) excuse yourself and take a gentle walk, even if it is only 5 minutes.
  
• Don't think of complex problems or try to find solutions when all you are doing is running around headless and making more work for yourself.....STOP and ask yourself, what do I need right at this moment to cultivate a bit of self-care and love in which I may find the answers?
• Plan a free weekend....no plans, nowhere to go or people to see.
• Make a list of things you could do when you feel it's feather time....My list includes: Taking a bubble bath, listen to a whole album whilst lying on the couch (with nothing else to do), immerse myself in a good fiction novel, meditate, listen to Hay House Radio archives.

What will your list look like?

Real Women have curves!

This is what inspires me. Real women who are not afraid of who they are! If we let these contant messages of who we should be and what we should look like bombard us then we become nothing, Because we hide away what we really are if we feel we fall short. Seriously think how many times per day do you put yourself down ladies!! I want you to think what dictates your thoughts and where did that negative feeling come from . We know ourselves better than any other being on this planet so how about some support!!