Friday, December 4, 2009

Dirty

Deep down, I think we're all bad people.
We are all evil people that try our best to cover up how truly terrible we are.
We don't want anyone to know how vile we really are but the next person is just as bad as you are, they're just a little better at keeping it hid.
We do things to try to atone for our terribleness.
We go to church, we donate money for the poor, we try to raise our children to be good so that maybe we can throw people off the scent.
Maybe all the effort we're putting into this will help make up for it.
This ruse can go on for quite a while.
It can go on until we do something that pushes someone over the edge and they decide that they can't take our squeaky clean outside anymore.
The person becomes angry and tries to pull out all of our evil insides, like a gut-shot animal running through the woods, with its intestines catching on all the briars.
We are exposed, for all to see.
We are all terrible.
I heard someone say once that he's "just tryin' to break even."
How many of us are just trying to break even?
We do what little bit of good we can in hopes that maybe one day it might help us to break even with all the bad we've done.
But the sad thing is we can never do enough.

5 comments:

Katherine Jenkins said...

WE are not what we think we are. Let go of yourself completely..the small YOU. Good and Bad exists in the world, but don't identify yourself with these. If you really LET GO, then you can JUST BE. Why do you care what others think of you...good or bad? When you can JUST BE, you will ABSOLUTELY find peace.

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Kirsty said...

My perspective?

I have always thought that we are all intrinsically good. I have plenty of bad days and have had my fair share of self-loathing but in the big picture, I don't identify my failings with who I "really" am.

They are things I can overcome because at my core I am good, and good is more powerful then evil. The same is true for each of God's children. We all have the power to overcome evil if we choose to.

We all struggle with temptations to be less then what we were made to be, but we all strive to "atone" for them because we all come from light and we have a natural affinity for light and we want to move closer to it.

I don't think that this instinct stems from wanting to throw others "off the scent". I want to like and respect myself. If others like and respect me along the way that is the icing, but doing good just to maintain a facade seems an awfully hollow, pointless way to live.

Your last line is true in part, none of us can ever be perfect on our own efforts. This is the basis of Christianity. The *happy* thing is that if we will allow it to, the Atonement takes care of it and that will be enough. God gave it to us because He knows that we are worth it. Because deep inside, we are good and of infinite worth.

Cat said...

instead of trying to "break even" how about focusing on living free....free of all this condemnation....
we were not created to be prisoners of ourselves we were created free....free to choose.
Everyone lives with choices...good and bad...right or wrong...are not as important as where your heart is at.
I think the biggest thing humans hide from one another is their true selves in the way of vulnerability...those things that live in the depths of our hearts.
You have made yourself vulnerable...and we are listening...I can only hope that you are listening too.

Marnie said...

As Cat said, we have free will. I also believe that people are innately good at heart. We are on this Earth to experience and learn. Sometimes that means working through very unpleasant situations.

You have to live your life for you. If your actions and behavior feel good and right in your heart then you are on the right path.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish you well.

Marnie xx