Monday, December 21, 2009

FACEBOOK WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND. IGNORE.

I've deleted my facebook page. For the second time this year. And dare I say it for the last time.

"What's such a big deal about that?" and "What's so bad about facebook?" you may be thinking. And my answer is nothing. For some people. For me however the issues run deep. Far below the surface of innocent social networking. Somewhere deep inside of me is a murky place that is calling out for approval and acceptance from all the wrong places. A place where I can show the "cool" people from my past that hey, I turned out ok.

The "Look at me! Look at me!" is a far cry from living for an audience of One. I'm creating an image of myself that I don't believe I am entitled to create.

That and it is so easy to turn on quickly to check my messages and stay browsing for an extra 20 minutes. I shudder to think of the time I have spent wasted on there, snooping through other people's "life image's". Yes there are great things about the site. I have found such satisfaction in finding long lost friends and rekindled many old friendships through facebook. I fear though in the process that I may have damaged some also in the real world. Friends who I would visit or call to catch up with before FB now are quickly caught up on with a quick scan of their page.The relationship realness gets lost. (and then it's also really weird when you finally do bump into them in the real world and they still know everything that's going on in my life). Weird.

I've become a hermit.I turned from someone who couldn't stand being stuck home for two days straight to now sighing in relief that I can sit at the computer instead of actually interacting with anyone face to face.

I've also gained a good 6 kilos since getting a computer. I used to be out walking a lot. Because I enjoyed it and it was part of my day.

My house has been less clean.

My kids see my back at the computer far too often during the day.

This is the verse I have screaming at me during all of this:
Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful. Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up.1 Corinthians 10:23

I truly believe that this seemingly small act is a big chunk of de-cluttering my life. I feel that I am finally being obedient as I have been plagued with thoughts and desires to get rid of this from my life all year. I justified it and tried to discipline myself in this area. I did start to spend less time on there but there is also the vanity and self promotion that is rearing it's ugly head in me. A desire in my heart is to learn humility and I can't be chasing after that while stressing over showing only the best parts of my life on facebook. I never shared my blog there as many of you do because I never wanted certain people knowing my real thoughts and struggles of daily life. I wanted my blog to be real. Not a show. I wanted my facebook profile to be cool.

18 comments:

Single Girl said...

GOOD for you!

Couture Cookie said...

Good for you! I am keeping my FB though... I don't think I've ever spent more than 2 minutes in a row on that site. I mainly use it to keep track of some acquaintances - those who I don't really count as "real" friends but would like to keep in touch with anyway.

Cat said...

that's what I am talking about!!!
YUP!!! come on over to my side lets be non-FB geeks together and have some laughs...well over the phone anyways!!!

Summer said...

Good for you. I've been saying lately that I don't even know who I am anymore. I was outdoorsy. I never knew any TV shows that people at work were talking about. Now it seems if I'm not in front of a computer screen, I'm watching my 4 million DVRd shows. Ugh. I'm full of self-loathing because of it.

Mz. Jazie said...

WoW! I never thought I would hear a story like that because of the popularity of social networks. However I have learned that social networks can ruin someone's life and sometimes it's just TOO MUCH INFO being posted. You have provided me with a little more insight... GREAT JOB... I AM PROUD OF YOU!!

Many Blessings... Mz. Jazie

JennyMac said...

Interesting view point..thank you for sharing it. I actually got on FB only because my HS reunion was coming and it was an amazing way to connect with so many people that I felt like I had "seen" when the reunion finally arrived.

BUT: I have a completely separate FB page for my blog. And I limit what info is shared there.

amanda rose said...

wow. what a thoughtful and honest post!
i, too, am challenged by facebook to some degree but feel that the rewards, the connections outweigh the negatives (and these i can release if i am aware of myself and my behavior). i am also finding ways of being helpful through facebook. by being authentic and taking a sincere interest in my friends lives.
i'm guilty of playing "peek-a-boo", though, and your post has brought some light to that.
thank you!

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