"What's such a big deal about that?" and "What's so bad about facebook?" you may be thinking. And my answer is nothing. For some people. For me however the issues run deep. Far below the surface of innocent social networking. Somewhere deep inside of me is a murky place that is calling out for approval and acceptance from all the wrong places. A place where I can show the "cool" people from my past that hey, I turned out ok.
The "Look at me! Look at me!" is a far cry from living for an audience of One. I'm creating an image of myself that I don't believe I am entitled to create.
That and it is so easy to turn on quickly to check my messages and stay browsing for an extra 20 minutes. I shudder to think of the time I have spent wasted on there, snooping through other people's "life image's". Yes there are great things about the site. I have found such satisfaction in finding long lost friends and rekindled many old friendships through facebook. I fear though in the process that I may have damaged some also in the real world. Friends who I would visit or call to catch up with before FB now are quickly caught up on with a quick scan of their page.The relationship realness gets lost. (and then it's also really weird when you finally do bump into them in the real world and they still know everything that's going on in my life). Weird.
I've become a hermit.I turned from someone who couldn't stand being stuck home for two days straight to now sighing in relief that I can sit at the computer instead of actually interacting with anyone face to face.
I've also gained a good 6 kilos since getting a computer. I used to be out walking a lot. Because I enjoyed it and it was part of my day.
My house has been less clean.
My kids see my back at the computer far too often during the day.
This is the verse I have screaming at me during all of this:
Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful. Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up.1 Corinthians 10:23
I truly believe that this seemingly small act is a big chunk of de-cluttering my life. I feel that I am finally being obedient as I have been plagued with thoughts and desires to get rid of this from my life all year. I justified it and tried to discipline myself in this area. I did start to spend less time on there but there is also the vanity and self promotion that is rearing it's ugly head in me. A desire in my heart is to learn humility and I can't be chasing after that while stressing over showing only the best parts of my life on facebook. I never shared my blog there as many of you do because I never wanted certain people knowing my real thoughts and struggles of daily life. I wanted my blog to be real. Not a show. I wanted my facebook profile to be cool.